


It's Not As Hard As It Seems

by osaki_nana_707



Series: dads!Harringrove [15]
Category: Stranger Things (TV 2016)
Genre: Dad!Billy, Dad!Steve, M/M, Smoking
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-09
Updated: 2018-11-09
Packaged: 2019-08-20 23:17:48
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,508
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16564991
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/osaki_nana_707/pseuds/osaki_nana_707
Summary: It’s about four-thirty on Independence Day that Steve realizes that his and Billy’s relationship has shifted.





	It's Not As Hard As It Seems

**Author's Note:**

> Please read the other stories before this one, or this one might not make sense. :)

* * *

**It’s Not As Hard As It Seems**

 

It’s about four-thirty on Independence Day that Steve realizes that his and Billy’s relationship has shifted.

They’re at Joyce’s house which is once again packed with people waiting around for it to get dark enough for fireworks. Steve’s in the kitchen helping get dishes together because he still can’t, for the life of him, follow the conversations of Dustin and his friends when they’re in Game Mode and Joyce looks like she needs the assistance. Hopper’s doing the cooking this time, though his version of cooking seems to be cursing at the grill in the backyard because it’s already “too damn hot” to be in front of a fire, but that doesn’t mean there aren’t other things to do. There are two new guests this time around-- Nancy and Jonathan’s daughter, and Will’s boyfriend.

Steve hadn’t known Will was in a relationship. No one seemed to be aware of it except for Mike, so the guest was certainly unexpected, but Jamie seemed nice and was welcomed into the fold with open arms. Steve didn’t understand why Will had felt the need to keep him a secret.

It’s when he’s going out back to see if Hopper’s in need of any help that he finds Billy and Will sitting on the back step, talking in hushed tones and sharing a cigarette. He freezes there behind the screen door and just listens. Will sounds like he’s been crying.

“It went a lot better than expected,” Will says, letting out a watery laugh. “That probably sounds stupid to someone like you, huh. Me, worrying about what my family’s gonna think?”

Billy takes a drag off the cigarette. Steve can tell by the way his shoulders sag how good it feels. It’s his first one since the California trip. It will probably be his last one for a while.

“Nah,” says Billy. “It’s… a thing, y’know? You think you know people. You hope you do, but… what if you’re wrong? What if you take a chance on something, and you get fucked over and lose everything you ever cared about?”

Will sniffs, nods, takes the cigarette back in silence.

Billy looks at him. “It’s probably harder for you, actually,” Billy says. “You actually have people you’re afraid to disappoint. I disappoint pretty much everyone in my life. It’s sort of expected at this point.”

Will’s mouth curves up in a wry smile. “You’re doing pretty good lately though, aren’t you? You and Steve. You uh… you told him you liked his cologne, didn’t you?”

“Don’t be fuckin’ cute,” Billy says flatly, but there’s no heat in it.

“Well, you did. Didn’t you?”

“...Yeah. I did.”

Will taps ash into the grass. “I knew you did. You seemed… I dunno… lighter, I guess.”

Billy looks slightly scandalized. Steve shouldn’t find it as cute as he does, but he’s been learning there’s a lot of things Billy does that are cute when they aren’t supposed to be. He can think of three things before breakfast that had Steve snagging him by the back of the neck and kissing him silly.

“What made you go through with it?” asks Will.

Steve knows it’s stupid to be holding his breath. He was there when their relationship crossed the threshold (obviously), so it’s not something he’s terribly unfamiliar with, but…

Billy stares out across the lawn. Steve can’t see the look on his face from behind, but he can feel the air around him calm and soften. Billy doesn’t know how to have emotions quietly. Steve in particular is consciously aware of each one that flares out of him. It’s something Katie does too.

“I saw how sad Max was,” Billy says after a beat, “running from her shit all the time. She was doing the same shit I was doing, and I just… I didn’t wanna be sad anymore. I didn’t know what I was fuckin’ afraid of. My monster’s dead, and I don’t think Steve’s monsters give a fuck who he’s banging, so…”

Will is loudly quiet.

“He told me,” Billy says, “what really happened to you. Not the details, but I don’t need ‘em.”

“I don’t… like to think about it.”

“Yeah, but you do anyway.”

“...yeah.”

“You tell him?”

“No, I… I don’t know if he’d believe me. It’s kind of unbelievable.”

“I believed Steve when he told me, and he was fucking drunk. He was chasing monsters in the dark with a goddamned baseball bat.”

“Sounds like Steve.”

Steve isn’t offended by that… at least not much.

“All I’m saying,” Billy says, “is that… you don’t gotta tell him now. Tell him when you’re good and ready because that shit is your business, but… if you wanna do the forever thing, you’re gonna have to tell him at some point. You can’t keep shit from each other. If you’ve got darkness, you gotta let them know in advance to bring a goddamn flashlight.”

Will flicks the cigarette butt off into the yard, considering this. “What have you told Steve about your darkness?”

“Not enough, probably… but I’m getting there.”

“You think you’re gonna do the uh… ‘forever thing’ with Steve?”

“I don’t think anyone else could tolerate me, so yeah. I want to.”

It’s as soft and honest as Steve’s ever heard him. He says it like it’s so simple, so easy, and it is. It is, but it wouldn’t have been before. Steve is very suddenly acutely aware of the part he’s played in changing, no-- helping Billy change. He doesn’t feel like he’s done anything, and yet here they are and everything is different.

“Have you guys told Hannah and Katie yet?”

“No, but I think they already know,” Billy shrugs. “Katie does, at least. She’s not smarter than Hannah but she keeps her eyes more open. I guess that’s my fault. But yeah, if Katie knows, Hannah knows. One thing they don't do that their stupid dads do is bury their feelings.”

“They haven’t said anything?”

“No, but… I dunno, I guess it doesn’t really make a difference to them. They’re happy. They’ve got each other. They’ve got us. I don’t think it’s that complicated for them.”

Will smiles, tucking his knees up against his chest. Steve can’t help but think he looks a lot like Joyce when he smiles… and he also looks like her when he cuts his eyes very un-subtly in Steve’s direction.

“Yeah, I already know he’s there. I could hear him caring,” says Billy, looking over his shoulder at Steve with a grin that makes Steve’s heart stutter and not just from being caught eavesdropping. It’s what Steve sees in his face-- it happened so gradually that he hadn’t noticed it until now. Billy’s not tired, not angry, not _haunted_ anymore. Steve wonders if his own face has changed, if his ghosts have dissipated from the shadows under his eyes. Billy looks young and beautiful and full of light. Steve can’t help but bask in it like a cat on the windowsill.

“You gonna stand there and stare, or you gonna come out and join us commiserating queers on the back step?” Billy asks.

“I don’t think it qualifies as commiserating,” Will snorts, laughing.

Steve does join them, the screen door banging shut behind him, though there’s not enough room for him to sit so he chooses to stand. He shoves his hands in his pockets, sweat immediately budding on his forehead. The temperature change makes his glasses briefly fog up.

“Didn’t mean to interrupt,” Steve says sheepishly.

“It’s alright,” Will says, looking up at him. Will’s darkness is still there, Steve realizes. It seems more obvious now that Billy has shrugged his off. He wishes there was a way for him to fix it, but if there’s one thing Steve’s learned (finally), it’s that he can’t save the world on his own. He can’t be the superhero every time, he can’t carry it all, and that’s okay. He can just be Steve.

Knowing this actually makes him feel a hell of a lot more powerful than his previous attempts at saving everyone ever did. Knowing that he doesn’t always have to be fine feels _brave_.

“I actually wasn’t eavesdropping,” Steve clarifies, even though it’s completely a lie. “I was coming out to see if Hop needed any help on the grill.”

Billy squints at him. “Since when do you know how to use a grill?”

“Fuck you,” Steve says.

“Maybe later.”

Steve tousles Billy’s hair, huffing. “Asshole.”

“Yeah, that’s generally where I would be fucking you.”

Will wheezes.

Steve doesn’t dignify the response with a laugh. It’s not easy for him, especially because the smug look on Billy’s face proves his dignity is far from intact anyway. Billy’s too goddamned cute when he’s smug.

...but Steve’s biased, of course.

He steps between them and into the grass, intent to make his trek across the yard to where Hopper is cursing at the grill, but he only makes it a step or two before Billy catches his hand.

“Hey. C’mere.”

Steve turns and Billy tugs him down, and he kisses him.

It’s quick and chaste and it shouldn’t mean anything to Steve who’s kissed Billy dozens of times by now… but they’ve never kissed in front of anyone else. They’ve never even really held hands. Steve’s never been hurt by this, of course; he knows the kinds of predicaments it could get them into and what kind of hell it might bring on Katie and Hannah who have dealt with enough in their little lives. Still, it’s a moment that tells Steve that Billy feels safe here, safe enough to be who he is.

Steve covers his breathlessness by darting his eyes towards the grill and saying, “Maybe you two should come along and help.”

The screen door bangs open as Hannah and Katie come running out. Billy, Will, and Steve all have to essentially divebomb out of the way to avoid being trampled as Lucas and Max and Mike and El come running out with them, Dustin bringing up the rear and already panting. He’s clearly the one giving chase.

“Be careful!” Hopper yells irritably as the girls swerve by the the grill and the entire group disperses across the yard.

“I hate tag. Why did I agree to this?” Dustin complains. “It’s fucking July. No one should be running. Fuck.”

“Go get ‘em, Tiger,” Steve says from his spot sprawled ungracefully on the ground.

Dustin looks at him, eyes narrow, then reaches out and taps Steve on the shoulder. “Fine. _You’re_ it.”

Well, fuck.

“Guess I’ll help on the grill,” Billy snorts. “Least it won’t get burned.”

“At least if it hasn’t gotten burned already,” Will says.

“Don’t let Hop hear you say that,” Steve says.

“What’s he gonna do, send me to my room?” Will grins, getting back to his feet and sauntering over to the grill. Hopper seems instantly calmer in his presence.

“Go get ‘em, Tiger,” Billy echoes, and jumps up to join Will and Hop.

Steve feels weirdly tempted to fetch Jonathan, even though he’s probably the only one here who’s worse on a grill than Steve. Just the image of Hopper with his surrogate sons is a nice thought, but Steve thinks that’s the dad in him getting sentimental.

\--

Lucas and Dustin are arguing over the quality of the fireworks or which ones to fire off next. Steve isn’t sure because he and Billy are inside the Camaro with the music turned up. Billy is watching Katie and Hannah run around the yard with sparklers, his expression soft, peaceful, bathed in gold light and blue shadows. He’s got his arm draped over the back of Steve’s seat, his fingertips just brushing against Steve’s shoulder.

Steve recognizes the song playing.

“ _Spent my days with a woman unkind, smoked my stuff and drank all my wine… Made up my mind to make a new start, going to California with an aching in my heart…_ ”

Steve’s not staring, not really. He blinks and everything, just… slowly.

“Did you mean what you said earlier?” Steve asks.

“About fucking you later?”

“Don’t be a dick,” Steve snorts. “You know what I’m talking about. About… forever.”

Billy’s quiet for a minute, chewing on a thumbnail. His nails are mostly recovered from his nicotine withdrawal, but it always comes back a bit whenever he cheats.

Finally, Billy says, “I… think my answer kinda depends on how you feel about it.”

Steve waits.

“ _Seems like the wrath of the Gods got a punch on the nose and it started to flow; I think I might be sinking…_ ” sings Plant.

“Forever’s a long time,” Billy says, and Steve momentarily feels his stomach drop.

Then, Billy continues.

“I don’t know if our forever is gonna line up. I’ve smoked and eaten like shit and I haven’t exactly been keeping my body in the shape I used to. I drive too fast and I don’t know how to keep my mouth shut. Odds are good I’m gonna die first is what I’m saying… So… my forever, yeah. But not yours.”

Steve’s heart squeezes. He _aches_. “Uh, not for nothing, but I overstress and I don’t sleep worth a shit, and I’ve been known not to keep my mouth shut when I should too. It could be either of us.”

“Fair point,” Billy says, still gnawing on his thumbnail. “Doesn’t matter though. Still my forever.”

“Are you saying that you won’t love again after I die?” Steve teases.

“Yeah,” Billy says, completely seriously. “Like I said, no one else could tolerate me.”

Billy turns and looks at him. A firework pops in the sky, raining glittering light down. Billy’s staring, staring, _staring_ straight into his eyes. He’s staring with his big, blue eyes, and he’s not budging, he’s not budging, he’s--

He’s being kissed by Steve.

He’s being kissed by Steve like it’s the only thing Steve’s ever wanted to do in his goddamn life, and Steve realizes distantly that it absolutely is.

As suddenly as it started, it stops. Billy is staring at him, wide-eyed and panting, but at least he doesn’t look spooked.

“You’re an idiot,” Steve says. “How dare you discount how incredibly intolerable I am as a boyfriend? You’re not the only one who can’t get anyone else.” He grins.

“You do have a pretty shit track record,” Billy agrees.

“Dude, _ow_ ,” Steve says, frowning. “Too far.”

Billy thumps his forehead against Steve’s gently, then turns back to the show, arm draping around Steve’s shoulders, keeping him close.

“You’re something else, Harrington,” Billy says softly.

“Forever, huh,” Steve says. Then, “Do you promise?”

Billy’s hand stills where it’s started playing with Steve’s hair.

“Do you _promise_?” Steve asks again.

Billy’s head leans against Steve’s. Two more fireworks explode in the sky, loud and glorious and beautiful like the man Steve’s sitting next to.

“Yeah,” says Billy. “I promise.”

“ _Standing on a hill in my mountain of dreams, telling myself it’s not as hard, hard, hard as it seems…_ ”

**Author's Note:**

> ...and that, ladies and gentlemen, is the end. Thanks for sticking around with me through this unexpected adventure. I had a lot of fun writing this series. Who knows? I may return to it again one day, but for now, it is completed. Taking a small break from fic writing to focus on some original stuff (and to finish work on some Christmas presents), but I'll probably be back before too long haha
> 
>  
> 
> i'm on [tumblr](http://some-radical-notion.tumblr.com/).


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